The Shit has hit the .....

Ella's Shit Story: The Shit has hit the...

It's 4am the birds are waking and singing the dawn chorus, Ella and i are having a snuggly boobie session, close and quiet, I am sitting cross legged in bed breast feeding, it could not be any nicer than this looking into each others eyes lovingly as the rhythmic sucking and slurping go in time with the tweeting birds. Holding this little munchkin in my arms i hear the warm milk gurgle into her tummy feeding her so she will hopeful be kind and let me sleep a good few hours afterwards.  

As i looked into my darlings eyes i see concentration that turns into straining within seconds the loudest rip roaring fart blows any peace and calm from the room and i swear even the birds stop calling to each other and take flight.  My god i thought that was some chuff.   

Next thing i felt was a warm sensation on my tummy dripping down over my legs and i thought one of my boobs had let off dripping again as that tends to happen when breast feeding and i put my hand down to wipe any milk away and my fingers come back to my shock covers in crap what's worse is the leaking hasn't stopped and as im cross legged it hits my stomach, thighs, calves ankles and feet and my lovely crisp white sheets.  

For a second i wonder what the hell to do! should i finish feeding? do i move now? how the hell do i move with out spreading more shit about? its inevitable that more shit will be spread and the crap still seems to be spilling out of the nappy and going everywhere and i need to stop that.  Its like the magic porridge pot story except this one doesn't have a happy ending ...

As i unlatch Ella she kicks off as i have taken her milk away, i then trip over god knows what spreading the shit over my lower half over more of my white bedding.  Ella takes a head dive into a patch of crap now covering her head it really couldn't get any worse.  I make it to the changing mat with Ella, taking off the offending nappy while shit runs down her and my legs.  I clean her up and turn to wipe my legs down then strip the bedding off and fumble around trying to find new bedding for a king size bed oh the joy.  Hubby stumbles out of his room to moan that i left the landing light on, and i tell him what has happened to which i am replied with a grunt and he heads off back to bed...  Dont worry dear i sort this out myself then shall i !!!!  of course in the morning he tell me he didn't really understand what was happening.   

Finally new sheets are fitted and i turn to put a new nappy on Ella just in time to see her draw her knees up to her stomach and let off another rip roaring fart spraying shots of poo everywhere, the shit has hit the.. well everywhere really over the wall, dressing table, mirror, draws well you name it it got covered by high velocity mustard coloured sprayed shit, why oh why didnt i put a nappy over that bum when i had the chance, sleep deprivation and shock has a lot to answer for. So far it has taken 2 hours to clean up, and Sophie is due up  in an hour followed by the school run..  Sleep is for the weak!!  be warned i maybe a tad grumpy today and if i smell yes i know all the best mummies smell this way...

Sophie's Shit Story: It came from the Deep !!!

Bath time fun with warm water, filled with bath bombs I made recently so the water is twinkly with stars & glitter & a funky green colour, fun ducks boats & various squirty toys float about in the water.

In splosh Sophie & Daddy & the splash fights & games begin with much squealing from them both but soon the squeals from daddy changed to squeals of horror & yelling for help as our darling daughter added to the bath toys in the form of a of a brown stinky log which of course Sophie just had to touch in a slapping motion which broke up the single log into a billion bits of floating poo, much to daddies horror as he doesn’t know whether to get himself out first or Sophie who is still chasing & slapping the poo round the bath.

I run in to get Sophie out the bath lucky & strangely not covered in any poo at all however daddy is a little worse for wear, to add insult to injury daddy now has to not only clean the bath out but have a cold shower to get clean as all the hot water was used for the bath.