When Sophie was born, like most first time mothers I was paranoid about cot death and not being able to see or hear my baby in her moses basket even though it was right next to my bed. I am also a firm believer in skin to skin as this help regulate heat as a practical solution and has helped me out on a few of Sophie's fevers. More importantly to me co sleeping and skin to skin re firms close bonding, eases tension, and is extremely loving.
When Sophie was in my tummy I had gestational diabetes so I was huge and sleeping was uncomfortable and I tossed and turned a lot. My husband also has his sleeping habits, the usual snoring which is very loud, tossing and turning, sweating because he has hogged all the covers, and if he has been playing computer games thinks he is fighting soldiers in his sleep and I very often I got a punch or kick in the night. As well as all this our mattress developed an ridge on his side of the bed. All this combined lead him to move to the spare bed, leaving me to ripen into pregnancy and finally when Sophie came with the night feeds let me able to deal with her needs without disturbing his sleep.
She is 18 months and Sophie and I still sleep together and being able to do this has helped me help her get through her colic, teething with minimal disturbance, be close for her when she is ill, calm her very quickly when she has bad dreams and night terrors. Basically have been able to anticipate her needs very quickly and sooth her back to sleep.
It hasn't been easy, she has always been a very bad sleeper since day dot, waking through night, as well as being a very anxious child even now as an 18 month year old. As newborn she was either sleeping beside me in a moses basket or on me for skin to skin, as a pre 10 month year old i would have to lay with her cuddling her to sleep in my bed as she was terrified of being apart from me, when she drifted off i was able to leave and about 6-8 month we did the cry out thing in her cot in her room and she would always end up in my bed and by the time she was one she was ready herself to be put down in her room at 7pm for sleeps but would wake up to 5 times in the evening up until midnight where she would come to bed with me and sleep, where she might sleep waking briefly a number of times in the night so to calm her and get her back down before she wakes to much is a good thing, else she will be up for hours wanting to play. By the time she was 18 months she can sleep through the night in her room however she is very sensitive to our creaky house and hears us coming to bed and jumps in with me if she awakes. For me it was a hard adjustment, being the main carer for Sophie I was the human Teddy bear of choice and naturally a baby will want her mummy, so there were time where I would be either sitting in the dark willing her to go to sleep so I could go back downstairs and see my hubby or do something for myself and identity. Or I would be wishing that she would go to sleep so I could get some sleep, but they were just a few cons.
When I first told people I co slept, health visitors gave me the big no no and saying I had made a rod for my own back and she would never leave, and to be honest I really don't mind if she doesn't leave, there's nothing nicer than cuddling up to a soft warm body. Also other mothers or older mothers who did the cry out technique raised eye brows at me and gave me their 2 pence of leave her to cry it out, which for a bit my husband bought into and enforced in the house to try it. I have to say it is the most unnatural process to put a mother and baby through, the anguish for the mother listen to to scared screams of her baby, not being allowed to go and do what is instinctively natural and sooth your baby, and a baby left in a dark room alone, scared and confused to why it has been abandoned, away from what it needs their mummy. We did give it a good try just so we could say we tried it and it probably does work for those who want that method but it truly did not work for me or for Sophie and caused no end of heart ache I will never subject any of Sophie's siblings to that process, if we are lucky enough to have any more.
I don't get the crying out system since humans beings began the mothers slept with their babies, and I believe that over 60% of the world today has a family bed or mothers that sleep with their children. Its only the wealthy western world that departmentalises people into their own rooms from such an early age, and even then i know a fair few mums of the western world that co sleep. I know there will be avid supporters of cry out process out there saying how wonderful that their children have slept through the night since they got home from the hospital and how much sleep they get and I'm really happy for you, but this process seems a bit backwards to me.
Aside from which process of cry out or co sleep, I am happy to nurture Sophie in my bed and be there for her and help her through night feeds when she was younger as well as some of her difficult and confusing times she is going through as she grows, to be there for the child first, and not be about how your own life hasn't been disrupted.
There is no beating the calmness and softness of skin to skin, when she wraps her arms round my neck for cuddles and wet kisses the babbling conversations, little songs for sleeping to, Not forgetting the early morning snuggles, pats and pokes to get up for breakfast, rather than a scream from a cot in a different room. Sleep may have taken a bit longer than those people who use the cry out process but everything we have gone through together all builds on a extremely loving bond we have and only makes us stronger and closer. These moments as she grows are short and fleeting and I'm enjoying relishing and sharing her experiences. Overall it has helped me understand her more and anticipate what she needs in the day as well as night and she doesn't seem to be as frustrated and having tantrums as her peers. I have no intentions of kicking her out until she is ready to be a big girl in her own room.
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